I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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