I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
