You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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