Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
