Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
