her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
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Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize