I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
