A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
