The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
