he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
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Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
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Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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