When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
