people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So squirting runs in the family.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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