So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
soo... how was my night?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
