i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize