forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
