Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
