Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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