I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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