Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
