I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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