I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
