i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
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By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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