Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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