No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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