so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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