Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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