Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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