i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
