She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
