Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
