Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
