i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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