apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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