my sisters under your porch take her home
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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