Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
