I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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