It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
