she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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