just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
