I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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