I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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