i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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