Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
