i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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