i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
