meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
