Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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