I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
In America we eat man semen.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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