he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked