If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will