Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
