I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
