i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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