puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
