i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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