we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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