Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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