I hate your face
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
