speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i will never coherently bang her
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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