walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
