How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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