I wish my penis had an off switch
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
