we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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