my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
