I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
