If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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