Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
