But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
