I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
