How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
