I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
