Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
