i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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