ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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