My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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