I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
