please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I could fuck to npr.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
