I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
