evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
