just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
