Did you just see the Batmobile???
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
