This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
