either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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