They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
