There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
