I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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