I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
