Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
