It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
