moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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